am I the only one?

{warning: brutal honesty}

So I’m sure I’m not the only one, but some days I sure feel like I am. I have tried my hardest to stay so positive about Levi. Being a mom with an extremely fussy baby is sooo emotionally and physically draining. I have tried for 14 weeks to act like things in this house are bliss. 50% of the time they are. The other 50% of the time Levi is crying. I constantly feel like no one knows what I'm going through. I'm sure people have but I feel so alone all the time. Don’t get me wrong Dave is there whenever I need him! But he’s gone to school for 8 hours a day and then I feel bad asking him to help at night when I know he needs to study. He is so willing to help whenever I need it, I am spoiled I know that. It’s just hard never getting things done around the house. When you set one goal for the day and you can’t get it done because you spent the whole day in the rocking chair, makes you feel like a failure. Please don’t think I'm ungrateful, but for those days where Levi can cry for 5 hours straight. I feel like the worst mom.

We had an appointment with the pediatrician on Thursday this week, and hopefully got things figured out. Levi was diagnosed with Severe Acid Reflux. We have tried medications before, but it was for Mild Acid Reflux and so they didn’t do anything. So here’s hoping the new medicine keeps working and helps this poor gaffer to start feeling better. Sorry for the rant but as for now this kid may be an only child (I’m sure that will change). Its nothing wrong with Levi or my Hubby, its that darn heartburn that kills me! Everyday I feel so drained from holding a crying baby and not being able to help him. It’s the worst feeling for a mom to feel helpless. I am not saying I don’t love being a mom because I truly do. I appreciate so much more what my parents did for me growing up. Its not easy that’s for sure. How can you not love being a mom when your kid is this cute?

I love seeing him discover new things and squeal in delight when he gets those toes in his mouth! When he isn’t having his heart burn episodes he is the grinniest and most vocal 3 month old I have ever seen. I love being a mom and a wife. Its truly the greatest gift, I feel like I'm just getting ready to see the best part of being a mom. A baby who is healthy and not constantly in pain, so here’s hoping that medicine works.