Ive never been one to be able to write down exactly what Im feeling, im not a creative writer. So bare with me as I try to describe this weeks big moments.
As December comes closer some big decisions are weighing on us. Dave graduating soon ( apply now or do a bachelors degree), Levi's getting older( when to have baby #2), our house seems to be getting smaller (when to list our house), our dog is having puppies ( the stress of puppies and a 1 year old), our truck broke down at the college today ( fix it or just buy a new one), la dadalalda... on and on. Its not to be depressing its just we've got some big things to think about right now.
We've been having some impressions on what to be doing right now. And to be honest one of these bigger tough questions I haven't liked the answer I've been recieving. I keep thinking "really heavenly father? this isn't fitting into my plan don't cha know??". Isn't that horrible?! Me not being a stubborn or very persistent person I just kept fighting these impressions feeling like I know whats best, I know the timing I WANT. Then I watched confrence and just cried! Knowing exactly what we needed to do and ya think I learned?? Nope, I still wanted to fight this! After going to the temple i had these same impressions and I just got so depressed this week about it. I kept thinking over and over, this won't work its not in our "plan"! So its been a month of fighting this and what finally made me come to accept this was Levi.
Bless that little kids heart! He has no idea what he's teaching us. All week we've been clashing. We just couldn't communicate to each other. I was so frustrated all week. I'd say don't feed Dj and soon as I turned around he will have feed her his entire lunch. This was so frustrating to me, why after I just told you would you deliberately do that? starting to see a pattern?? Today I took a different approach with him and slowed down and really payed attention to all his ques. We just had one of the best nights in a long time. No crying from either and no one got mad. Because I wasn't impatient he signed everything I was asking. He would do everything I said because I was HAPPY about it. Seeing him just obey so easily tonight made me realize how defiant I am when I know what were suppose to do and I am deliberately ignoring my answers to our prayers.
“If they did not doubt, God would deliver them” (Alma 56:47).
With some big changes coming, I'm so grateful to know that things always work out. Even if they aren't the way we planned. I am not one who likes to deter away from my "life plan" but thank goodness for a husband who is so good at helping me with that.