Hard.

For the last 6 months I've typed a couple blog posts then pressed save instead of publish. I try to keep our blog upbeat and positive. But yesterday was HARD, it was just plain hard. I feel like I've had a lot of those days these last 6 months. I want to document these days so that I can remember that I am stronger then I realize.

A couple weeks ago when I was in Calgary and feeling defeated about not finding a place to live, sad that were selling the house I brought my babies home too, leaving our family behind and moving to a place where I hardly know anyone... I called my momma. She said something to me that stuck, "a year ago, you would have never thought what you're doing now was possible." A year ago if someone would have told me that I would be a single mom for 6 months while sleep deprived and trying to sell the house by myself, I would have told you you're nuts! But I am learning through all these ups and downs I am strong like my momma!

Yesterday was one of those days were I just couldn't see the positive in any of this. Will managed to hit both couches, me and Levi in a spew of vomit. Levi decided to have a 2.5 hour timeout battle over picking up his blocks. Will was up alll night, I think we hit every hour that night. I burned supper. I missed my husband dearly and just wanted him to come home so badly. Our buyer/tenant was being very needy yesterday. And no one wanted to eat whatever I made that day, about 90% of it was on my floor.

I wanted an emotional and mental break. I wanted my husband to come home and eat with me so I could actually talk to an adult that day. I wanted help with bed time, because they both fought it till 9pm. I wanted him to be the bad guy and make Levi pick up his blocks instead of me, I've been the bad guy for 6 months. I know I have an end in sight now, but somehow yesterday that made me more mad. Why couldn't I just get happy and get over all this?! I just couldn't find the positives in our situation. Like I said, its been HARD, very hard for me. But as I finally crawled into bed absolutely exhausted last night I made myself think of all the positives of the day: grateful the couch cleans up easy, grateful for my baby who will come lay his head down on my lap and then go continue to play, grateful for my toddler that asks why I'm crying, grateful for a hard working husband, grateful for a warm home and grateful I only have 4 more weeks of this.

Its been really hard and I can't wait for us to all live together again. I know this seems pale in comparison to other peoples trials but for me this has been HARD. I've learned alot about myself and my relationship with Dave. I've learned I don't handle change like I thought I did. I am a very social person, and constantly being alone is very hard for me. Dave does wayyy to much for me, I've been quite spoiled. Like I've had to start taking out the garbage spoiled! Dave and I don't do long distance well, we like to do everything together. So having to do everything apart isn't an adjustment I would want to get used too. I am not as patient of a mother as I thought I was, its something I really need to work on. I need sleep, like sleep as in at least one 4 hour stretch to feel somewhat human.

 I'm excited that Levi wont have to cry at night for dad, to get to shower more often and wear make up (!!!), and most of all to have Dave home every.single.night!

and because that was depressing.... 

here's a picture Wills mad face...